I went to get my teeth cleaned today and the dental hygienist said the right side of my neck is more developed than the left...so now I'm walking around with my head tilted to the left. I look like an idiot.
and
one doctor's appointment turned into three :(
and
if you tell your family that cancer doesn't scare you and you'd be fine if you were to die tomorrow...they look at you, eyebrows furrowed, like you're a crazy person. then you chuckle to yourself, sadistically.
12/28/10
12/24/10
yule
yule (or "Yule-time"): is a winter festival that was initially celebrated by the historical Germanic people as a pagan religious festival, though it was later absorbed into, and equated with, the Christian festival of Christmas.
Isn't this the greatest picture?! Reminds me of the year my mom made my step brothers and I matching Disney Christmas sweatshirts. Mine had Minnie Mouse on it and if you pushed a button, it sang! That's right, it sang. I'll have to try and find the picture as proof.
Found it!
As for the holiday, it was enjoyable. I was the only kid home this year, so nothing too exciting to write about. Is it tragic that all I can think to write is a list of the presents I got? Damn materialistic Americans! Actually, I only got a few things which was quite nice. Quality over the quantity, as they say. I got a sweet long-sleeved camo shirt (corn-field to be exact), some sketcher slippers I've been pining for for awhile, a mini-muffin pan, pasta noodles shaped like the Space Needle (which I think is my mother's subliminal effort to get me to go to grad school in Seattle...over the course of the next few months she'll be sending me random gifts related to Seattle), and a zhu zhu pet from Burger King. Speaking of my mom, this is a funny story...we were in Fred Meyer's the another day and we see a set of zhu zhu pet accessories, and my mother thinks out loud, "why would anybody dress their pet hamster up, that's torture!" I barely had the heart to tell her that zhu zhus are toy hamsters...so what does she do, she gets me one for Christmas. My family also gave me cold hard cash. They were too lazy to fold $1's into a money chain, so they just gave me a wad of money instead. The teller at the bank though I was a stripper when I went to deposit it in my account. Classy! I bought new skates with that money though. My holiday has been reduced down to a secular list of greed-inducing acquisitions. Oh, bother.
I like being on the giving end, more than the receiving end. This year, I made my mom's dog a snuggie for Christmas. It's ridiculous.
Isn't this the greatest picture?! Reminds me of the year my mom made my step brothers and I matching Disney Christmas sweatshirts. Mine had Minnie Mouse on it and if you pushed a button, it sang! That's right, it sang. I'll have to try and find the picture as proof.
Found it!
As for the holiday, it was enjoyable. I was the only kid home this year, so nothing too exciting to write about. Is it tragic that all I can think to write is a list of the presents I got? Damn materialistic Americans! Actually, I only got a few things which was quite nice. Quality over the quantity, as they say. I got a sweet long-sleeved camo shirt (corn-field to be exact), some sketcher slippers I've been pining for for awhile, a mini-muffin pan, pasta noodles shaped like the Space Needle (which I think is my mother's subliminal effort to get me to go to grad school in Seattle...over the course of the next few months she'll be sending me random gifts related to Seattle), and a zhu zhu pet from Burger King. Speaking of my mom, this is a funny story...we were in Fred Meyer's the another day and we see a set of zhu zhu pet accessories, and my mother thinks out loud, "why would anybody dress their pet hamster up, that's torture!" I barely had the heart to tell her that zhu zhus are toy hamsters...so what does she do, she gets me one for Christmas. My family also gave me cold hard cash. They were too lazy to fold $1's into a money chain, so they just gave me a wad of money instead. The teller at the bank though I was a stripper when I went to deposit it in my account. Classy! I bought new skates with that money though. My holiday has been reduced down to a secular list of greed-inducing acquisitions. Oh, bother.
I like being on the giving end, more than the receiving end. This year, I made my mom's dog a snuggie for Christmas. It's ridiculous.
Poor thing.
12/19/10
frisson
frisson: a brief moment of emotional excitement, shudder, thrill
does anyone have a quarter? Anyone? I swear there was one in the bottom of my bag. Somewhere. Dammit, I need a quarter...
I saw one on the floor across the break room and a sudden frisson overcame me. I clicked that quarter into the candy dispenser, down tumbled nine chocolate-covered ovals, like a multi-colored avalanche of sugary goodness. After seven days without sugar, eating a handful of peanut M&M's felt triumphant. It was truly gratifying. Detox is arduous, but I survived
update 12/24/10: I've got to re-up the sugar detox staring Sunday. I realized this upon baking marionberry shortbread today. Funny thing is, I think the only reason I bake is to eat the batter. Anything for sugar, right?! There needs to be a 12-step program for this addiction. In fact, I went as far as to google if one exists, only to discover that, while in office, President Ronald Regan always had to have a bowl of jelly beans on his desk. I'll try not to, but chances are I'll end up like Regan...or like Chief Johnson on The Closer who has an entire desk drawer devoted to sweets. oh bother. I'll let you know how it goes, again.
update 12/25/10: I mean next Sunday. I'll start on the 1st. I worked retail the day after Xmas and it was too much for me to handle. so, I came home and had fudge for dinner. Rocky road fudge, to be exact. The next day, my family had asked who had eaten all the fudge...I blamed the dog.
does anyone have a quarter? Anyone? I swear there was one in the bottom of my bag. Somewhere. Dammit, I need a quarter...
I saw one on the floor across the break room and a sudden frisson overcame me. I clicked that quarter into the candy dispenser, down tumbled nine chocolate-covered ovals, like a multi-colored avalanche of sugary goodness. After seven days without sugar, eating a handful of peanut M&M's felt triumphant. It was truly gratifying. Detox is arduous, but I survived
update 12/24/10: I've got to re-up the sugar detox staring Sunday. I realized this upon baking marionberry shortbread today. Funny thing is, I think the only reason I bake is to eat the batter. Anything for sugar, right?! There needs to be a 12-step program for this addiction. In fact, I went as far as to google if one exists, only to discover that, while in office, President Ronald Regan always had to have a bowl of jelly beans on his desk. I'll try not to, but chances are I'll end up like Regan...or like Chief Johnson on The Closer who has an entire desk drawer devoted to sweets. oh bother. I'll let you know how it goes, again.
update 12/25/10: I mean next Sunday. I'll start on the 1st. I worked retail the day after Xmas and it was too much for me to handle. so, I came home and had fudge for dinner. Rocky road fudge, to be exact. The next day, my family had asked who had eaten all the fudge...I blamed the dog.
slippery slope
slippery slope: (also known as thin edge of the wedge, or the camel's nose) a classic form of argument, arguably a fallacy, that states that a relatively small first step inevitably leads to a chain of related events culminating in some significant impact, much like an object given a small push over the edge of a slope sliding all the way to the bottom
I had the weirdest dream...
I was following Loss Prevention people around a department store, and we spotted a girl with long blond hair. It didn't appear as if she was stealing anything, but I kept yelling at the Loss Prevention people, "Shoot her in the foot, Shoot her in the foot!" Suddenly, Kathy Griffin showed up and informed us that shooting anyone in the foot was an unethical gesture, a slippery slope even, leading to a life of violence.
really? a slippery slope!
I had the weirdest dream...
I was following Loss Prevention people around a department store, and we spotted a girl with long blond hair. It didn't appear as if she was stealing anything, but I kept yelling at the Loss Prevention people, "Shoot her in the foot, Shoot her in the foot!" Suddenly, Kathy Griffin showed up and informed us that shooting anyone in the foot was an unethical gesture, a slippery slope even, leading to a life of violence.
really? a slippery slope!
12/13/10
I need a boy like you like a hole in my head
I need a boy like you like a hole in my head: a song lyric from The Dixie Chicks' 1999 release "Fly," the sucky truth
I fell
and hard.
no cartoon band-aid will heal this wound.
I fell
and couldn't get up
it was winter and I laid there motionless
until my brain froze over
I fell
and no one came to help
defeated, I accepted my demise
I fell
and music rained down, vibrating all around, shaking my skeleton skinny
I fell
and when the music stopped, I reached for a can of anti-freeze, defrosted my brain, and told you how I should have eaten the entire cake before my stomach rotted away and fell from my bone
sometimes the most pernicious parts of our personalities are the ones we love the most
you make me sneeze and not in twos
p.s. I don't need this right now, I have two term papers to write and bigger fish to fry. why do you do this to me? fuck off. (wow I don't think I've ever told anybody to fuck off, that's fun).
Update: 12/14/10 6:34am Like a balloon, I let go.
Update: 12/15/10 1:53pm went to lunch with nick at pepinos, you'd think it would have cheered me up, but sadly no. As delicious as the burrito was, my stomach still hurts, I still have a massive headache, and I can't focus long enough to get even one page of my thesis work done. Oh and I couldn't sleep. As I lied there last night, restless in my bed, headphones on and music blaring, I realized that I'm bone tried. I'm tired of people telling me that I "deserve better." What the fuck do you think I'm deserving of? The David, Superman, or some other impossible ideal? You all just don't get it. I've never wanted "better," just sincerity, just you as you are (I mean, honesty and dependability don't hurt either). Gosh, I hate being a masochist.
I fell
and hard.
no cartoon band-aid will heal this wound.
I fell
and couldn't get up
it was winter and I laid there motionless
until my brain froze over
I fell
and no one came to help
defeated, I accepted my demise
I fell
and music rained down, vibrating all around, shaking my skeleton skinny
I fell
and when the music stopped, I reached for a can of anti-freeze, defrosted my brain, and told you how I should have eaten the entire cake before my stomach rotted away and fell from my bone
sometimes the most pernicious parts of our personalities are the ones we love the most
you make me sneeze and not in twos
p.s. I don't need this right now, I have two term papers to write and bigger fish to fry. why do you do this to me? fuck off. (wow I don't think I've ever told anybody to fuck off, that's fun).
Update: 12/14/10 6:34am Like a balloon, I let go.
Update: 12/15/10 1:53pm went to lunch with nick at pepinos, you'd think it would have cheered me up, but sadly no. As delicious as the burrito was, my stomach still hurts, I still have a massive headache, and I can't focus long enough to get even one page of my thesis work done. Oh and I couldn't sleep. As I lied there last night, restless in my bed, headphones on and music blaring, I realized that I'm bone tried. I'm tired of people telling me that I "deserve better." What the fuck do you think I'm deserving of? The David, Superman, or some other impossible ideal? You all just don't get it. I've never wanted "better," just sincerity, just you as you are (I mean, honesty and dependability don't hurt either). Gosh, I hate being a masochist.
nonsense
nonsense: words or language having no meaning or conveying no intelligible ideas
The Rubick's were kind enough to let me take Sasha (the 5 year old I nanny) to the RCR (Rose City Rollers) league meeting Sunday night...
Me (thinking to myself)- ok, car seat, check. food to eat, check. color books for entertainment, check. wheels and gear to return, check.
We get there and Sasha sees Christmas Cookies in the shape of skates and I let her have one. We find a seat next the Beatties and, surprisingly, Sasha listens patiently to all the roller girls speak, engrossed in what they have to say. No need for the color books.
But then, about 5 minuets before we have to leave, Sasha gets antsy and turns to me to say- "this is nonsense!"
I had to bite my knuckle not to crack up and interrupt the meeting. It was hilarious. Some of the Betties gave me funny looks, and I made a small sweeping gesture with my hands saying- I swear she's not my kid.
This reminds me of another brilliant Sasha moment.
One afternoon, we walked to the library to color and say hi to Kate. While in the library we were seated on a bench waiting for Kate to get out of a meeting when we saw the Dean's assistant and Sasha turns to me and asks (loud enough so others could hear), "Is she important?" I asked her why she thought she was important and Sasha says (again loud enough for others to hear), "because she has big hair." Ha! That's the secret people, get big hair and you will be important. Then, when we went to leave Sash demands, "Run!" And I say, "no, it's not safe to run in the library." And Sash says, "Well we should walk as fast as we can then."
The Rubick's were kind enough to let me take Sasha (the 5 year old I nanny) to the RCR (Rose City Rollers) league meeting Sunday night...
Me (thinking to myself)- ok, car seat, check. food to eat, check. color books for entertainment, check. wheels and gear to return, check.
We get there and Sasha sees Christmas Cookies in the shape of skates and I let her have one. We find a seat next the Beatties and, surprisingly, Sasha listens patiently to all the roller girls speak, engrossed in what they have to say. No need for the color books.
But then, about 5 minuets before we have to leave, Sasha gets antsy and turns to me to say- "this is nonsense!"
I had to bite my knuckle not to crack up and interrupt the meeting. It was hilarious. Some of the Betties gave me funny looks, and I made a small sweeping gesture with my hands saying- I swear she's not my kid.
This reminds me of another brilliant Sasha moment.
One afternoon, we walked to the library to color and say hi to Kate. While in the library we were seated on a bench waiting for Kate to get out of a meeting when we saw the Dean's assistant and Sasha turns to me and asks (loud enough so others could hear), "Is she important?" I asked her why she thought she was important and Sasha says (again loud enough for others to hear), "because she has big hair." Ha! That's the secret people, get big hair and you will be important. Then, when we went to leave Sash demands, "Run!" And I say, "no, it's not safe to run in the library." And Sash says, "Well we should walk as fast as we can then."
12/11/10
claustrophobia
claustrophobia: fear of having no escape or being closed into a small space
six hours in a tiny room, bug-eyed in front of a cheezy job-training tutorial has taught me one very important piece of information- in 1941, President FDR moved the date of Thanksgiving to earlier in November, extending the holiday shopping season and allowing for more economic gain. God bless America in all it's materialistic glory! No seriously, if it weren't for this, Macy's probably wouldn't need as many seasonal workers during the winter, and I probably wouldn't have a job over break. So huzzah.
I start picking up shifts at the end of this week. And if this job is anywhere near as exciting as the training videos were, I'm going to have a blast selling people jewelry and blenders and department store trinkets. Look at this guy from part of my training on general safety,
he can walk over the top of government documents in cyberspace...like magic. Ooooh, ahhh. Experiencing this alone was worth the two hour drive between Portland and Olympia that I have made over five times in the last month.
My job training ended around 8:30pm and then I made (or attempted to make) my step-dad a birthday cake. It was supposed to be German Chocolate, but looked more like Dilapidated Chocolate. Dad said it was delicious just the same. Isn't he obligated to say that though, as a parent I mean? My ability to make savory and flavorful cakes that can't stand upright is a truly mystery.
six hours in a tiny room, bug-eyed in front of a cheezy job-training tutorial has taught me one very important piece of information- in 1941, President FDR moved the date of Thanksgiving to earlier in November, extending the holiday shopping season and allowing for more economic gain. God bless America in all it's materialistic glory! No seriously, if it weren't for this, Macy's probably wouldn't need as many seasonal workers during the winter, and I probably wouldn't have a job over break. So huzzah.
I start picking up shifts at the end of this week. And if this job is anywhere near as exciting as the training videos were, I'm going to have a blast selling people jewelry and blenders and department store trinkets. Look at this guy from part of my training on general safety,
he can walk over the top of government documents in cyberspace...like magic. Ooooh, ahhh. Experiencing this alone was worth the two hour drive between Portland and Olympia that I have made over five times in the last month.
My job training ended around 8:30pm and then I made (or attempted to make) my step-dad a birthday cake. It was supposed to be German Chocolate, but looked more like Dilapidated Chocolate. Dad said it was delicious just the same. Isn't he obligated to say that though, as a parent I mean? My ability to make savory and flavorful cakes that can't stand upright is a truly mystery.
12/9/10
let's just say...
Let's just say, I started eating meat again.
(still no red meat though)
also, when Nick was in Boise he sent me this picture:
What a wonderful person; he went to Five-Guys, just so I could experience it vicariously through him. I suggested that he eat a grilled cheese with pickles (that's what I always get), but he doesn't like pickles :(
(still no red meat though)
also, when Nick was in Boise he sent me this picture:
What a wonderful person; he went to Five-Guys, just so I could experience it vicariously through him. I suggested that he eat a grilled cheese with pickles (that's what I always get), but he doesn't like pickles :(
12/6/10
happiness is a smooth side walk
"happiness in a smooth sidewalk" –sally peanuts
I'm quitting school to play roller derby...ha! I wish.
Nevertheless, Sally Peanuts is correct; nothing's better than smooth concrete and 8 wheels. Come to think of it, Sally Peanuts is usually correct. Take for example:
Sasha and I watched The Great Pumpkin a few weeks ago while I was nannying. When I saw this clip, an uncannily similar feeling stirred deep in the pit of my conscious. Ideally, I will never again be cheated out of tricks-or-treats, but let's be honest now.
Anyway, this weekend was busy (well, mostly just Saturday). I drove up early in the morning to Olympia and had an interview with Macy's...and then got a job with Macy's! Hooray for not having to job hunt anymore. That process is quite possibly one of the most tedious and tiresome. Mom and Dave bought me lunch at Subway. Then I drive straight back to Portland to NSO for two Rose City Roller Derby Bouts. The gals killed it during both games.
Look at the sweet new shirt I got...
I'm quitting school to play roller derby...ha! I wish.
Nevertheless, Sally Peanuts is correct; nothing's better than smooth concrete and 8 wheels. Come to think of it, Sally Peanuts is usually correct. Take for example:
Sasha and I watched The Great Pumpkin a few weeks ago while I was nannying. When I saw this clip, an uncannily similar feeling stirred deep in the pit of my conscious. Ideally, I will never again be cheated out of tricks-or-treats, but let's be honest now.
Anyway, this weekend was busy (well, mostly just Saturday). I drove up early in the morning to Olympia and had an interview with Macy's...and then got a job with Macy's! Hooray for not having to job hunt anymore. That process is quite possibly one of the most tedious and tiresome. Mom and Dave bought me lunch at Subway. Then I drive straight back to Portland to NSO for two Rose City Roller Derby Bouts. The gals killed it during both games.
Look at the sweet new shirt I got...
Also, not that I ever play this game because it's totally degrading to (digital representations) of women, but Adult Swim came out with a new version of Pole Dance Hero to distract you from any homework or productivity. I beat it in a half hour and then had nothing else to do, so begrudgingly, I worked on my thesis. blah.
Remember how a couple of posts ago I put up a picture of a scooter outside a strip club (see "Let's Just Say" 11/20/2010)? Curious about this, I asked some of the girls at derby and have since learned a Fun Fact: Portland is the nation's mecca for strip clubs (more per capita -or some fancy term like that- than Las Vegas even)! no joke.
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