quotidian

quotidian: of or occurring every day; daily; ordinary; mundane

I've started doing this thing with my nieces where I ask them what the best part of their day was.  Mad (Madison, 4) hasn't quite grasped the concept. The activity just fuels the fire of crazy and illogical that she has already judged me to be, regardless of my numerous  and very logical explanations. Take for example, yesterday I came over in the morning to watch the girls and Dean while Jess went to the doctor for a sinus infection. I was fishing all the marshmallows out of the lucky charms box while Mad was staring at me sleepily in her footed pj's. Our conversation went something like this...

Me- "What did you do yesterday, Mad?"

Her- "Nuh-thing."

Me- "Well, if you had to pick one thing, what was the best part of your day yesterday?"

Her- "Moneeek! But I didn't do anything yesterday."

Me- "You didn't do ANYTHING! Not even breathe or blink?!"

Her- "Pretty much."  Grabs a handful of marshmallows and tromps away.

Lol. Four-year-olds are my favorite people.

Ry (Ryleigh, 9) on the other hand loves this question. Her answers are usually saturated in elementary school friend dramatics and shaped by a change of heart every couple of seconds.  Our conversations sometimes lead to serious life realizations, the kind that you wish their hearts would never have to weather. For example, the other night we went to the pumpkin patch (pictures below) and Ry told me that her favorite part of the day hadn't come yet.  She was excited to carve the pumpkins.  It was late and I knew full well that we weren't going to carve pumpkins.  She teared-up.  Jess and I had to explain to her that disappointment is a huge, gigantic part of life, and that just because she's going to feel it form time to time, she shouldn't let it impede her from having hopes and getting excited.  Both Jess and I grew up with a lot of disappointment in our lives, to the point where it hardens you, turns you into a zombie (no Halloween pun intended), and it hasn't been until recently that we've both learned to be vulnerable to disappointment again. It's the scary shit (sorry, so many Halloween words up in here) that counts.  What's the phrase, go bit or go home.  Corny, but true.  You'll never accomplish anything if you live in fear of disappointment. I think it was Escher that said, "Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible." And that takes strength. Now only to get myself to fully live that.

Anyway, this questions is working to bring more presence into our lives. I ask both the girls and myself, helps me climb out of the pessimistic shell I can cower beneath. Focus on what I find good and alluring.

 

Dean think that headbands can be worn like sun glasses

let's just say...

What was cold, is now hot again, or is it still cold? Apparently, giving space leads to stronger feelings, but then those feelings turn right back around and decide they still need space. This is all sounding too familiar.  Like pulling teeth. I get it, I freak you out...but only on weeks that end in even numbered days? Fickle.

-AND-

Inconsistency drives me bonkers.  Sometimes I just let it run rampant and end up flopping around on the floor seizing in my own anxiety, despite the roommate or the best friend telling me to calm the eff down. Lol. I'm glad you all can find humor in my dramatics, I'm trying to do the same these days. You're such great friends. <-- not sarcastic

-AND-

I'm bloody tired of walking on egg shells. I promised myself the last go around that if I felt this way, I would cut my losses...

Wouldn't it be nice if it were that easy?

smitten

smitten: marked by foolish or unreasoning fondness; past participle of smite, which means to strike with a heavy blow

Dear Deb at Smitten Kitchen,

You read my mind. Making these tOdAy!!! pumpkin cinnamon rolls.

Okay thanks and lots of xoxo's,

Monique

p.s. if any one want to get me the new Smitten Kitchen Cookbook, I would be all up on that. Did someone say Christmas?

a-go-go

a-go-go: of, relating to, or being a disco; being in whirl of motion; being up-to-date — often used post-positively

a-go-go

Do you ever feel like you're sitting, when in fact, you're standing

I bought five books today

I do not feel okay

Zig-zags in my ears

Sounds all around

Too bad about your dad

Furious fad

Why do you think we rationalize

National ayes

Natural  eyes

I bought mauve mascara today

I seriously do not feel okay

Why don't we celebrate?

To myself, instead, I 'm inclined to berate

Pity party

Perpetually tardy

p.s. got a job at Whole foods, found out that public/community libraries are super competitive to get hired by. Apparently everyone and their mother has an MLIS. Shrug. Shrug. Shrugity, shrug shrug shrug.

blight

blight: infect, destroy

You know what clears a blighted head and heavy heart? A damn good concert and lesbians! Alicia, her new girl, and I went to Tegan and Sara at the knitting factory last night. It was nothing short of magical. I adore Tegan and Sara in a way that nothing can crush or diminish. Seeing them play live was soul renewing. I'm a little horse this morning because I shouted all the words to all the songs. But it's a small price to pay. What good fun. And the band that opened (Speak) were pretty darn decent. All I did was dance, dance, and dance again. There was a shit ton of dancing. So much dancing. Good gawd, I do love dancing. Horrible at it, but I love it. Much like golf and most things in my life.

pray

pray: to address a solemn request of thanks to a deity or other object of worship

My Uncle Danny told me recently that, "Some day there will be a time in your life that you will bow your head to pray."  Danny isn't a particularly religious man, but he does feel that no matter what your faith may be, there will come a time that you ask something greater than you for help.  I am skeptical of this-- mainly because there have been a lot situations in my life that one might see worthy of prayer, and yet prayer never helped, so eventually I gave up.  Asking an invisible friend or pandering to a dogmatic belief in nothing isn't going to help your crapy situation, and well, seems kind of selfish.

Thinking this way has made me a little pessimistic. Well, let's be honest, a lot pessimistic.  What I often forget though is that prayer without a deity comes in a very different form...prayer without a deity is ACTION.  You make the choice to do something, to give someone a second chance, to fix a broken situation, to perceive things differently, to react in an ameliorable way.  You have control, well maybe not always, but you have some shred of control over your actions and perceptions.

So with this is mind, I have been thinking a lot lately about if I were to pray, what would I pray about, when would I pray for it?  So, wanna know the only situation that I could think of so far? You're going to laugh. It was during the drive from Boise to Idaho Falls for a roller derby game, our car left late and there was a good chance that if we didn't make it in time we couldn't skate. Speeding along the freeway, I was thinking to myself, "okay if I were going to pray, I'd do it now. Good Lord/Controller of Whatever, please help us make it to the bout on time, oh please, oh please help us." When if fact, it was Highway's led foot that got us there on time. Phew!

Crazy, huh?  True, but I'd rather practice prayer through action.  In the future, I vow to better see the choices I have in sticky situations, I vow to take positive action when/where I can, and above all, I vow to let go of the things that I cannot control and instead change my attitude.