dear brain and all your low dopamine, serotonin, and endorphin levels,
there really is no need to be sad in a world that has ska punk, ice cream, and roller skates. Sometimes you forget this, so I thought I would remind you.
your crony,
monique
I don't own this content. No coprolite infringement intended.
7/30/12
7/25/12
bun in the oven
bun in the oven: slang for "pregnant"
...which I am not, thank gawd
A handful of people in my life are pregnant right now, and it's driving me fucking nuts. Truth be told, I can't stand pregnant people! I really can't. I've tried, I can't. That's awful, right? I'm an awful human being. Well, seems as if there are others who share my frustrations. If I'm going to hell, at least I will have company.
The Truth about Pregnant Women
I must add to this wonderful article. If you plan to work while pregnant, there is no excuse to leave early and tell the rest of the office that you have a doctor's appointment when, in fact, you don't. This isn't just my hating-pregnant-people-b.s., this is you being an ass-hat while pregnant. We get it! You don't have to explain one billion times that each pregnancy is different, and each person handles it differently. Seriously, if you are going to make the commitment to work (or do anything actually) while carrying a fetus, at least be a tolerable human being. I was complaining about this to my own mother recently, and realized that she is a great example of non-douchey pregnant ladies. She worked right up until two weeks before she had me, wore high heels, walked to work, didn't complain, didn't blame things on her "hormones." Go mom! Speaking of hormones, just because you have them doesn't mean you get to be a bitch to your husband/wife/partner, coworkers, and friends. These people are here to help and support you, but if you choose instead to treat them like shit, they won't be around for long. Just goes to show that it takes a selfish fucker to have kids. I'm sorry if this is offensive, but it is how I feel and I needed to get it off my chest...because I'm pretty darn sure that punching a pregnant lady in the face would result in jail time and a restraining order. Blogging about seems to be a better option.
And I apologize in advance to the world if ever I am pregnant. Actually, I give you permission to punch me in the face. I will totally understand!
...which I am not, thank gawd
 |
| hooray empty uterus |
The Truth about Pregnant Women
I must add to this wonderful article. If you plan to work while pregnant, there is no excuse to leave early and tell the rest of the office that you have a doctor's appointment when, in fact, you don't. This isn't just my hating-pregnant-people-b.s., this is you being an ass-hat while pregnant. We get it! You don't have to explain one billion times that each pregnancy is different, and each person handles it differently. Seriously, if you are going to make the commitment to work (or do anything actually) while carrying a fetus, at least be a tolerable human being. I was complaining about this to my own mother recently, and realized that she is a great example of non-douchey pregnant ladies. She worked right up until two weeks before she had me, wore high heels, walked to work, didn't complain, didn't blame things on her "hormones." Go mom! Speaking of hormones, just because you have them doesn't mean you get to be a bitch to your husband/wife/partner, coworkers, and friends. These people are here to help and support you, but if you choose instead to treat them like shit, they won't be around for long. Just goes to show that it takes a selfish fucker to have kids. I'm sorry if this is offensive, but it is how I feel and I needed to get it off my chest...because I'm pretty darn sure that punching a pregnant lady in the face would result in jail time and a restraining order. Blogging about seems to be a better option.
And I apologize in advance to the world if ever I am pregnant. Actually, I give you permission to punch me in the face. I will totally understand!
7/20/12
catharsis
catharsis: the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions
My emotions are strong, but not repressed. Because of this fact, I found the time to write more mediocre poetry. I sincerely hope you enjoy.
the green maple seed knows no sorrow
born crisp and alive
hugging tightly to branches of entirety
it cannot understand that it will brown soon
and fall to the ground tomorrow
it is attached, a full and confident extension of something that makes sense
unity
it is one with many
but like it's cousin, the lost penny,
the shock of self-identity and the responsibility of redefinition
bring grief and unwarranted power
for the fallen maple seed feels dead and knows deep sorrow
nothing can replace what it once lost
love
cherry picked
he's a dick
heart wrenched
thirst not quenched
flip-flopped
hat-topped
applesauced
we both lost
mish-moshed
squish-squashed
sometimes I write you
but then I throw it away
I am so foolish
really red roller skates
ravenous raccoons rumble
railroad Ringo Ranch
My emotions are strong, but not repressed. Because of this fact, I found the time to write more mediocre poetry. I sincerely hope you enjoy.
Seedling
the green maple seed knows no sorrow
born crisp and alive
hugging tightly to branches of entirety
it cannot understand that it will brown soon
and fall to the ground tomorrow
it is attached, a full and confident extension of something that makes sense
unity
it is one with many
but like it's cousin, the lost penny,
the shock of self-identity and the responsibility of redefinition
bring grief and unwarranted power
for the fallen maple seed feels dead and knows deep sorrow
nothing can replace what it once lost
love
Applesauce
cherry picked
he's a dick
heart wrenched
thirst not quenched
flip-flopped
hat-topped
applesauced
we both lost
mish-moshed
squish-squashed
Fool's Gold
sometimes I write you
but then I throw it away
I am so foolish
Alliteration
really red roller skates
ravenous raccoons rumble
railroad Ringo Ranch
Teeter-totter
I'll pretend that
you don't have a girlfriend, if you'll pretend that I'm not in love with you
I'll pretend that I
am listening, if you'll pretend to be interesting
I'll pretend to be
just like them, if you'll pretend to be normal too
I'll pretend to give
a shit, if you'll pretend to be apathetic
I'll pretend that I didn't see, if you'll pretend
like it didn't happen
I'll pretend to be
anything you want me to be, if you'll pretend that you have all control
I'll pretend not to
be judgmental, if you'll pretend that you never cry
I'll pretend to
respect you, if you'll pretend to have courage
I'll pretend that
it's okay, we'll just be friends, if you'll pretend not to crush the people you
walk upon
I'll pretend to
care, if you'll pretend not to
I'll pretend that
you are a figment of my imagination, a hallucination, if you'll pretend that you have no effect
on anybody, ever
I'll pretend that I
like relationships, so long as you'll pretend to do the same
girl meets boy
boy is coy
girl falls in love with boy
boy doesn't love girl
girl goes crazy
everything is hazy
girl gets sadboy gets mad
girl says goodbye
boy continues to lie
girls gets sucked back in
boy thinks he has the win
girl feels like she will drown
boy hides his frown
girl needs to move on
boy keeps running his con
girl pretends like everything is dead
quick, your draw
rolling
bowling soiling
coiling
cold bold old
rolled
rolly polly molé round
frown upsidedown
drowned
in ice cubes frozen fruit juice
made fresh I offer just for you
Ode to my last relationship
girl meets boy
boy is coy
girl falls in love with boy
boy doesn't love girl
girl goes crazy
everything is hazy
girl gets sadboy gets mad
girl says goodbye
boy continues to lie
girls gets sucked back in
boy thinks he has the win
girl feels like she will drown
boy hides his frown
girl needs to move on
boy keeps running his con
girl pretends like everything is dead
quick, your draw
Blender
rolling
bowling soiling
coiling
cold bold old
rolled
rolly polly molé round
frown upsidedown
drowned
in ice cubes frozen fruit juice
made fresh I offer just for you
let's just say...
Pomeranians are the cutest little fluff balls ever! Dee from Roller Doll Skates came to Boise a few months ago and brought her pompom. The entire time, I berated her, "how much is your dog? Is your dog for sale? Would you stop selling me skate gear if I stole your dog? OMG! Look at how adorable your dog is. Dooooogggie!" Poor Dee. Actually, poor anybody who has to put up with me when I see a cute animal. I extend my deepest empathy.
7/16/12
crestfallen
crestfallen: sad or disappointed, relates to the days of jousting, when the losing protagonist was
knocked from his horse, along with his shield or crest
Get a hold of yourself!
This is a phrase I repeat often while laying sleepless, restless even, in my bed, 3am. But tonight my chants against defeat were abruptly interrupted. The night air whooshed into my room through the open window, forcefully blowing my feather weight curtains in a flurry, carrying the sound of gushing water, too strong to be a sprinkler. I was startled. Never before had I heard that noise on our street. Surely, this must be some sort of alien invasion! How can water just magically appear spewing out of the ground. Okay, okay, so yes, geysers, hot springs, nature, I get it. But through concrete and asphalt? No way, Jose! I shuffled to the kitchen, peered out the window, only to see a shadowy figure illuminated by the yellow street lights. It was a man, a man from the fire department. He had undone the hydrant to do some late night maintenance. Phew! My nerves subsided and I simply watched, listed, felt the cool aura of the water hugging my face. It was almost pure zen, clearing my mind, calming my thoughts. And then BAM! Down the stairs stumbled my roommate and the dogs, baseball bat ready to swing, aliens ready to die. Gently, I explained to her what I witnessed, she drop the bat, and the dogs laid down. together we watched, listened, felt the cool aura of the water hugging our faces. It was majestic, allowing no room for discontent and crestfallen feelings, only glory and wonder.
So, thank you late night construction workers. Tonight's sleep has been sponsored by you!
Get a hold of yourself!
This is a phrase I repeat often while laying sleepless, restless even, in my bed, 3am. But tonight my chants against defeat were abruptly interrupted. The night air whooshed into my room through the open window, forcefully blowing my feather weight curtains in a flurry, carrying the sound of gushing water, too strong to be a sprinkler. I was startled. Never before had I heard that noise on our street. Surely, this must be some sort of alien invasion! How can water just magically appear spewing out of the ground. Okay, okay, so yes, geysers, hot springs, nature, I get it. But through concrete and asphalt? No way, Jose! I shuffled to the kitchen, peered out the window, only to see a shadowy figure illuminated by the yellow street lights. It was a man, a man from the fire department. He had undone the hydrant to do some late night maintenance. Phew! My nerves subsided and I simply watched, listed, felt the cool aura of the water hugging my face. It was almost pure zen, clearing my mind, calming my thoughts. And then BAM! Down the stairs stumbled my roommate and the dogs, baseball bat ready to swing, aliens ready to die. Gently, I explained to her what I witnessed, she drop the bat, and the dogs laid down. together we watched, listened, felt the cool aura of the water hugging our faces. It was majestic, allowing no room for discontent and crestfallen feelings, only glory and wonder.
So, thank you late night construction workers. Tonight's sleep has been sponsored by you!
7/2/12
implode
implode: collapse or cause to collapse violently inward; utter or pronounce (a consonant) with a sharp intake of air
I haven't written a poem
or at least finished one
for quite the stretch of time
this is
perhaps
because all the poems
I'd like to write
start with
"fuck you"
and don't rhyme
I heard someone say
the other day
that all they want to do
is create
but I believe
creation leads to
mindless magistrates
people with no introspection
no intellectualization
no reflection
robots spinning webs of originality
but leading only to banality
what's the use in creating
if there exists no true reason
everyone, everything quickly becoming a leasion
what happened to self-indulgent compassion
to holy cows and dios mios
my life is lacking
heart self-attacking
I am imploding
this is implosion
what a shity ass feeling
I haven't written a poem
or at least finished one
for quite the stretch of time
this is
perhaps
because all the poems
I'd like to write
start with
"fuck you"
and don't rhyme
I heard someone say
the other day
that all they want to do
is create
but I believe
creation leads to
mindless magistrates
people with no introspection
no intellectualization
no reflection
robots spinning webs of originality
but leading only to banality
what's the use in creating
if there exists no true reason
everyone, everything quickly becoming a leasion
what happened to self-indulgent compassion
to holy cows and dios mios
my life is lacking
heart self-attacking
I am imploding
this is implosion
what a shity ass feeling
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)