meathead

meathead: slang for a muscular man, who isn't highly intelligent

First, a disclaimer-- I am going to be judgmental in this post. It's bad, but sometimes, I reserve the right to be a little snooty.

After my UW orientation in Seattle, I spent the weekend with Zack in Olympia. Now remember folks, I dated Zack in high school.  Why did I decided to stop doing that?... oh right, the man is a meathead. There, I said, I feel bad, but it's true. He's a strong, proportional, 6'6" guy who likes playing football, drinking beer, listening to metal, and not much else.  Most of our conversations (since we live in two separate states) are about how his day was and what he ate. Too snooty? Yeah, I think I'm being too snooty.  Okay, so he's not 100% meathead, he's also very loyal and supportive of his friends and family, he's kind-hearted, and won't admit it, emotional (especially when not fed), and has surprising qualities (like the ability to improve). Mar, anyway, so during this weekend, I learned that Zack, albeit a fantastic catch for some other individual, just is a little too meatheaded for my tastes.

What gives? Seems like if I'm attracted to someone physically, I'm not mentally or emotionally, and vise versa. I think it's high time I took a hiatus from relationships, and attraction, and all that jazz.  As soon as I am done with this post, in fact, I am going to write a to do list and the number one task will be "quit trying to fall in love."

Zack's ACDC shirt, I hand washed it, and this is how grey the water was after the third wash! My collection of men's t-shirts is unprecedented.

Flight back to Boise, ID. Do you see the heart-shaped pond?

Anyway, sorry Zack and the dozen or so other people I've dated over the past year, I'm exhausted, and if something isn't genuine-100% attraction, why bother?  We're only cheating ourselves that way.

maffick

maffick: to celebrate with boisterous rejoicing and hilarious behavior; "Maffick" is an alteration of Mafeking Night, the British celebration of the lifting of the siege of a British military outpost during the South African War at the town of Mafikeng (also spelled Mafeking) on May 17, 1900

Ugh. These feelings I am having, they are abstruse at best.  I should be rejoicing, celebrating the accomplishment of getting into grad school, relishing the opportunities that now lie before me.  But in all honesty, there is something missing.  The same "keep your nose to the grind stone" motivation that got me through my undergraduate program seems to be exhausted.  I used it all up during the last four, no, the last sixteen years of my academic life.

Now I'm in Seattle, on the UW campus for orientation. It's grey and everything is so...underwhelming...so underwhelming, in fact, that it seems to be overwhelming. That's paradoxical, I know, but I'll go with it anyway. The golden question is, how long will it take me to make it though this degree? Double ugh.

see? Grey, I told you, everything is grey, stupid Puget Sound

This is my future: cat-eyed glasses and a beehive!

Okay, sometimes it's not grey

On the upside of things, Nancy and her husband, Colin let me stay with them for the extended weekend.  I ate chicken curry, spoke a little Spanish, went to rainy soccer practice, and got lectured in a British accent (Colin is verbose, quite like myself, and it was less of a lecture and more of advice, I suppose). I bought them a stunning orchid as thanks for their hospitality.

neologism

neologism: a newly coined word or expression, rising in use

I started reading my first assignment for LIS (Library and Information Science) 510 this morning, and already, I have reservation, contestations even, with the first sentence. THE VERY FIRST SENTENCE of my graduate education, and I already have issues. Oh boy, oh bother. Here's my rant, hopefully, getting it off my chest will allow me to  move on and finish reading this stupid article...

Yeah okay, we get it. You are smart, and are a doctoral student, and wrote this fancy pants article. But seriously?! "Necessitatean" is not a word. Probably never will be. I mean, what the fuck does it even mean? You could have just said "made necessary." I even looked in the latin dictionary. It's not in there. You can't just make up words! What merit badge allows you to do that in a scholarly article? Only children who are confused about the past tense and grammatical structure of modern English do that. You are being a child! Or are you? Fine, make up your own words. Go right ahead. Maybe I'm just jealous. humpf. Whatever. "Necessitatean" is not a word! bottom line.

exchew

eschew: to deliberately avoid using; abstain from

It's funny how lately I have been trying to eschew from contacting you.  I know it is inevitable and I really should truly try to avoid seeing you. You have a girlfriend, whether you respect her or not is not my problem, but I know, and you should too, that having your cake and then eating it is not the right thing to do. So, yes, I have been avoiding you.

Funny though, how fate likes to taunt me.  I walked to Hastings at lunch today and there you were in line. Fuck. I tried to turn and leave quickly. You saw me.  Flustered I made some asinine excuse and darted out the door.  Then you went and did your stupid thing that sucks me the fuck back in. Text from you reads, "It was nice to see your face. I'm sad we couldn't chat more." Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck. What part of "I will always love you and it is not fair to your girlfriend that you keep me in your life...cry cry cry" do you not understand? It's not really fair to me either. You're in your own little world. Sigh.

Text from me reads, "I'm not stalking you, quite the opposite actually. Cross my heart. Pinky promise.'

update- I was told that I need to stop referring to "you" as if I am directly talking to you. So here on out I will speak of you in the third-person, like normal people do.

let's just say...

let's just say that you can keep my heart, because I don't fucking need it anymore.


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