A Word A Day Keeps the Dr. Away: bun in the oven

7/25/12

bun in the oven

bun in the oven: slang for "pregnant"

...which I am not, thank gawd

hooray empty uterus

A handful of people in my life are pregnant right now, and it's driving me fucking nuts. Truth be told, I can't stand pregnant people! I really can't. I've tried, I can't. That's awful, right? I'm an awful human being. Well, seems as if there are others who share my frustrations. If I'm going to hell, at least I will have company.

The Truth about Pregnant Women

I must add to this wonderful article. If you plan to work while pregnant, there is no excuse to leave early and tell the rest of the office that you have a doctor's appointment when, in fact, you don't. This isn't just my hating-pregnant-people-b.s., this is you being an ass-hat while pregnant. We get it! You don't have to explain one billion times that each pregnancy is different, and each person handles it differently. Seriously, if you are going to make the commitment to work (or do anything actually) while carrying a fetus, at least be a tolerable human being. I was complaining about this to my own mother recently, and realized that she is a great example of non-douchey pregnant ladies. She worked right up until two weeks before she had me, wore high heels, walked to work, didn't complain, didn't blame things on her "hormones." Go mom! Speaking of hormones, just because you have them doesn't mean you get to be a bitch to your husband/wife/partner, coworkers, and friends. These people are here to help and support you, but if you choose instead to treat them like shit, they won't be around for long. Just goes to show that it takes a selfish fucker to have kids. I'm sorry if this is offensive, but it is how I feel and I needed to get it off my chest...because I'm pretty darn sure that punching a pregnant lady in the face would result in jail time and a restraining order. Blogging about seems to be a better option.

And I apologize in advance to the world if ever I am pregnant. Actually, I give you permission to punch me in the face. I will totally understand!

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Eat My Words

I was once prescribed to keep a journal. I was told, write anything down- mundane occurrences, incoherent thoughts, complete nonsense- ramble on and on if I must. I did such and quickly found "what a power there is in words; later for those who hear them, but first for the one who finds them; a healing power, a solution, like the breaking of a barrier" [ayn rand]. I learned that "it helps to write it down even if you then cross it out" [nada surf]. I mean, think about it...most great authors wrote from a place of pain, their words laden with suffering, but through this inked art form I would like to think that a shred of health and sanity was salvaged just by sharing their words. and to that I dedicate this blog.