praxis

praxis: practice, as distinguished from theory; accepted practice or custom.

Alby exaggerated the reach of her leg over the raft onto the pebbly river bank.  She slowly raised herself to her feet, lifted up her sunglasses, and leaned towards me. "Why didn't you tell me I was this drunk?" she demanded. I chuckled and told her that just because I am always DD, doesn't mean I am also required to monitor her alcohol intake.  She lovingly said, "oh, okay. I (emphasis oh I) didn't realize I was this intoxicated. I just thought it was the wavy river." Silly Alby.

Readers, if you have ever floated the Boise river sober (which most don't), you know that sobriety is always the most entertaining.  Every time I float the river, I always wish I had a camera or a little bird to back up the stories that I have experienced.  Cracks me up.  I spend the entire time laughing.  Drunk people trying to navigate a river on a small flotation device is the best kind of humor.

This time we went in the middle of the day and Shooter had convinced Tim, Alby, and Andrew that they were going to die in a tragic accident with a tangle of branches after a small (very tiny, almost non-existent) rapid.  Alby screamed, "FUUUUUUUCK! that's a huge rapid. We ARE going to die. Monique do something, you are the only sober person here!"  I took a sip of my Sprite, lounged back on my tube, and smiled evilly.  Then Andrew, his ego gets bigger with every beer, decided that he was going to move the entire tree and get us to safety.  Remember at this moment, I am calmly floating in the middle of deep green water, soaking in the tranquil sun...did I say calmly already?  Meanwhile, all four of them are in utter panic.  I lost it and started cracking up when Andrew got out of the raft, both hands up, and pushed the air to one side and then the other. "There guys, don't worry, everything is clear now." Fucking hilarious. I didn't even bother asking him what he thought he had just moved. I couldn't, I was laughing too hard. The rest of the float just got exponentially more ridiculous.

I'm at home now, aloe on my pink sink and the fan blowing on my tattoos. I drove everyone home safely without having to move any invisible trees. My burn will peel in a few days. But...it's worth it. I encourage you, if you ever have the chance, float the river sober and you will likely pee your pants. Wear sunscreen too. Actually, do everything sober, it's just better that way.  Everything seems more real and more genuine.