leitmotif

leitmotif: a dominant and recurring theme; in music drama, a marked melodic phrase or short passage which always accompanies the reappearance of a certain person, situation, abstract idea, or allusion in the course of the play; a sort of musical label.

I was thinking...and I tend to get in trouble when I think...but, upon reflecting on my recent graduation (and receiving my last semester's grades. they weren't bad, instead, a simple reminder of my troubles), I have decided to vent. Despite such a wonderful accomplishment, I am a tad disgruntled with higher education. Don't get me wrong. I am grateful to have been allotted such a catalytic experience. And to have realized that I have and always will be a life-longer learner, inquisitive and curious in every regard. AND grant it, higher education has become a conventional necessity in today's economic market. But still I am peeved. I suppose it's because I now recognize that I could have gotten my BA in far less time and for far less money (especially if I had fleshed out my running start classes in high school and chosen a different university). And again, I'm tankful for all the opportunities Lewis & Clark College has provided me, as well as all the amazing (and at times astonishing) people I have met. However, with greatness comes pretentiousness and politics. Throughout college, I have struggled to reconcile my strong sense of work (or what some have entitled the "blue-collar gene") with the quirks of academia. For example, I like competition, but not of the academic flavor. When the competition exists between those you hold little to no respect for, or worse...between you and yourself, it can become maddening. Essentially, you start to degrade your motivation over simply receiving a B due to personal professor bias and end up exhausted, with no fire left to fight. During these past two years, feeling burned out and well-beyond ready to move forward, I have butted heads with aloof and insincere professors and sunk into a well of apathy. Despite the struggles, I have managed to graduate with honors...but I certainly don't want to ever feel this again. I vow, as always, to do everything with intention and the fullest of effort...but this time I will concede if there exists no passion, no respect, or no pride in what I do. I hate to disclose this, but academia is a joke; higher education is overpriced. I boldly believe that individuals should be cultivating their own knowledge through new technological and creatively collaborative means instead. I also believe that every individual should commit to some form of self-sacrifice. Although I may not fully endorse altruism, I still think there lies an exponential amount of merit in service to an entity that feeds your soul and benefits those you most cherish and respect. I suppose this avowal (although, again, I do not believe in absolute truths) is testament to my future goals and is intended to squash all that has bogged down my motivation these past few years. To heck with this, do what you love and do it with the utmost effort, care, and sincerity.