burning bridges

burning bridges: to make decisions that cannot be changed in the future; based on the military action of burning a bridge you have just crossed to prevent the enemy from crossing it after you

Remember how I was saying that I don't much believe in stupid idioms a couple posts ago? Remember that? Well, I've got a few more for you that I'm staring to warm up to, particularly, "burning bridges prevents you from going back to places you should have never been" and "it gets better with time."

So, some context. A couple of weird events have happened in the past couple of weeks regarding T (an ex-ish of mine). First, I had a dream, a premonition really, that he was getting married. Grant it, I had no way of knowing this at the time. I had not contacted him or anyone that knows him in over a year and a half. So, creeped out by it, I told the bf about the dream and he said it was likely true. So we snooped on Facebook (tisk tisk) and found out that he (T) is indeed getting married, and get this, it's to the freaking girl that I caught him in a lie about. Precious, just precious. But, you know what? Good on her, maybe she is the saving grace that he needs. Maybe I should send a wedding gift? Maybe I shouldn't?

Anyway, shortly after that discovery I get an email from him, a sort-of apology yet not apology email. He's done this in the past, and I've never really been able to accept the apologies for what they really are, because I was never really out of the fog that was that "relationship" (maybe time does heal). At first I was just baffled by this email, my normal reaction. But then I reread it, and there was a part of the email that pissed me off. In this part T told me that he didn't want me to think that our shity time together where ever my fault, implying that I blamed myself for his actions. Implying that I didn't have enough self confidence to not put up with his crap. Lol. Blame myself, oh-no honey, I am far too forlorn and masochistic to blame myself for other people's faults. I chose that glorious pain all by myself. Like a drug, I was drawn to it. But alas, time heals, the high of pain fades and you eventually realize how much more stable and healthy your life is without it.

Okay, maybe I read into it a little, but I'm pretty smart and can typically see through people's bullshit - one of the perks to growing up with a pathological lair and alcoholic father. With my new found clarity, I wanted to say fuck you in the nicest way possible. So, I drafted an email, wasn't going to send it, but then did. Facepalm. But you know why I sent it...I sent because of the idioms that I've never really believed in. I sent it because sometimes you have to burn bridges in order to not go back to places that you should have never been in the first place.

Oh, how it felt so good. What's the saying, "sweet revenge?"

That reminds me of a wonderful NY Times article about Why Revenge Tastes So Sweet. Read it. Read it now! Also, in light of this article and my current post, I just want to say that I've never claimed to be on any kind of morality road, and even if I were, I would never suggest that it's higher than yours. Just goes to show T never really knew me, and that I should have followed yet another idiom, never date a person who doesn't like to read :P

UPDATE! 8/2014 - I've been trying to clean up my karma a little lately, My Name is Earl style. So I broke down, tried to be the bigger soul and gave T what he needed. I recognize now that he sent that "apology" email for himself, it had nothing to do with me (I'm still not convinced that people can change, but that's a post for another day, btw). I wrote him back and said what he needed/wanted to hear. I'm over it, happy/healthy, please live your life. Please use these words to facilitate your own path to happiness and health, but I am still not forgiving you, you can't take back shirty behavior, even if ignorant.