mercurial

mercurial: characterized by rapid and unpredictable changeableness of mood; of, relating to, containing, or caused by mercury

I once vowed never to blog about my love life. Ha. Ha. Ha ha ha ha. Well, that ship has sailed! Now...

You all know that I've had flowers sent to me, breakfast made, but it's never really seemed as genuine as the past few weeks. Then BAM! Out of nowhere, we hit one speed bump and nothing, nada, zero, zilch.

Oh these mercurial signals, this hot and then cold behavior, they are hard for me to understand. I am, for the first time, angry at such a situation because no mater how much I think about it and about his reasoning and his situation, know matter how many times I've been through this before, I just get frustrated. Wish I could just snap my fucking fingers and fix everything, but the more I push, the more they pull, when pushing to me is just a small nudge of encouragement, it probably comes off as a giant shove.  Damn, I'm tired of walking on eggshells and being the one who has to be patient. 

Ha! I was over at Gill's house this weekend talking about all these sorted affairs and he echoed the rules that Nick made for me some four years ago...

1. If you see a man in uniform, run the other fucking way*
2. If that man says he isn't interested in punk rock, run even faster

that's not saying that military men are bad people, they've just been bad for me in the past.  Apparently, I make them feel things they're not prepared to feel, that's the best way I can describe it.  Woah, that makes me sound bat-shit-crazy. Shrug.

Anyway, funny thing, yesterday I was talking to Amy at work. Just chit-chatting away, when she started talking about this guy she was seeing. She said that they had been casually dating for about three weeks in August and that things were going great...they had a marvelous time together, grant it he seemed a little clingy (sent flowers, made her picture the backdrop on his phone, introduced her to his fam and friends, called her "his girl" all in the first two weeks), but she gave him the benefit of the doubt and plugged right along.  When out of the blue, he stopped talking to her completely! Just plain old gave up. Lol. I chuckled and asked if perhaps we were dating the same guy. We weren't, but it's nice to know that other people are passengers in the same shitty boat. Misery loves company.



Moral of this sorted affair, "I'll bring home the bacon if you bring home the turkey." Please be patient with me, and I will reciprocate, trust me when I say I need consistency and will never be anything short of real with you, even if you end up running in the other direction, hands failing in the air, and I'll trust that you might return to my life. I guess I'd rather love with everything I have, be scary vulnerable, than tuck my tail between my legs and hide behind a cold shoulder and "picky-ness."